It's been a little over a year since I ended my relationship with T. Although we were only together for 3 years, it was a committed relationship none the less. I'll admit this past year has been tough, lots of time to think and reflect, some good, some bad. I'm a little embarrassed to say I think I jumped a little too quickly into the relationship (had that U-Haul truck packed ready to go in 3 months). Circumstances at the time made me think it was "fate" and what I was doing was right. I literally uprooted my entire life to move to Charlotte. I'm not so sure I believe in fate anymore. Would I do it again? Maybe, but very differently. I've learned my lesson, but is it too late? I feel this is a mistake I should have made in my 20's or 30's, but then again I've always been a "late bloomer" (I didn't come out until I was 33).
I lived in Atlanta for 13 years before moving to Charlotte and loved every minute of it. I have some wonderful friends in Atlanta and miss them terrribly (yeah, I know the two cities are only a couple hours apart, but it's not the same as being in the same city). I've never been the outgoing, social butterfly so making friends is not easy for me. All the friends I had here were T's friends and they all accepted me with open arms. After the breakup, a few said they wanted to remain friends, but I didn't want to put them in the middle. It's easy to make online friends, but developing a true, in person friendship does not come easy to me. I'm the type of person that can be alone and not be lonely, but lately that's not always been the case. I desperately want to move back to Atlanta, but can't until I can find a job there (and we all know how abundant jobs are now a days). I've never felt like Charlotte was my "home". I know moving back to Atlanta won't solve all my problems, but it will relieve a lot of them.
Financially, I'm just squeaking by. Working for city government is not the way to become independently weathly. I've stayed with my job because I've been hopeful in finding a better paying job in Atlanta. Well after almost a year of hoping, I'm starting to think that maybe I should look for a better job in Charlotte. It's not what I want to do, but you gotta do what you gotta do to get by. For now I'm still sticking to the Atlanta plan, but who knows what next week will bring. Maybe it's fate!
As far as my relationship with T, it's civil at best. I know I hurt him badly, and I know he is/was convinced I ended the relationship because I wanted to date (read have sex with) other people. Although that was not the case, I admit I've avoided seeing/talking to him because I know I blindsided him with my leaving and still feel guilty for putting him through all that. He hasn't made much of an effort to contact me either which I'm OK with. Our only connection is the house we bought together. He is living it in and it's up for sale (and we all know how well the real estate market is today). I try to help out with the lawn maintenance, but feel so uncomfortable when I go over there.
This is probably the longest and most honest post I've ever made. I feel (somewhat) comfortable with this because so many of you share your thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams here, that it's only fair I do the same. It's not easy for me, but isn't that what friends do with each other?